I Was Supposed to Laugh

I should have written about Eat Lead a couple weeks ago, but I guess I got sidetracked by games that were good.

I love the concept of comedy games. If it can make me laugh I can forgive it of its faults. If it’s like Metal Arms and has polish, good design and humor, then prepare to be a favorite.

Unfortunately, if game developers can’t even manage serious writing then comedy is bound to fall flat on its face. This happens over and over again in Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard. The concept is a decent one with potential. A wash-out game hero from the 80’s and 90’s is given the chance to return, only it turns out he was intended to be killed off and replaced with a new action game hero. The game thus sets itself up to parody not only itself, but games of all genres.

Too bad the gameplay is beyond generic. There’s a couple of cool ideas here and there, but the execution is more stale than an old loaf of bread. Going back to play Quake 2 is much more preferable than playing this tripe. If you don’t have the budget to make a huge blockbuster, then simplify your A.I. to behave more like older shooters. Frantic and insane as opposed to lobotomized cover tactics. You may not be the latest and greatest, but God damn at least you’ll get a 7 on Game Rankings instead of a 5.

Of course, if the game were actually funny I’d be willing to play it through. Nay, friends, the laughs were few and far between. In fact, some of them made no sense. Having to save an old wizard that looks like Gandalf used the fusion technique with Dumbledore has many options for good humor. However, it makes no sense for him to speak like William Shatner. In fact, it gets annoying pretty damn quickly. It’s as if the writers thought “hey, you know what geeks laugh at? William Shatner impressions” and just stuck it to a random creation. There was no actual parody of wizards in games. No amazing light show only to be struck down by a single punch to the face or something. Just you trying to keep him alive while he spoke like everyone’s favorite space captain that has never in his life played a wizard.

The sad part is they even got Neil Patrick Harris to voice a role in the game. The guy is funny and does a great job, no doubt, but the actual writing does him no justice. The premise is completely ruined by people that cannot write.

Ultimately, there is one scene in this game that is worth watching. Only one. Everything else is boring and painful. So for your convenience, I will post that only scene worth watching here.

Don’t worry if you can’t read the text; nothing important is said.

There. That’s the only reason to play the game, and I have no clue how far in that even is. Everything before it is so boring and terrible that I quit early. There was no reason to suffer through such a game.

Now, typically this wouldn’t be much of a big deal, but I liked the concept to Eat Lead. I was hoping it would actually be pretty damn funny. Too bad it wasn’t.

Next time the developers get an idea for a game, they need to hire actual comedy writers to do the script. Clearly no one working on Eat Lead has a competent funny bone in their body.

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